Once upon a time, there was a fair young maiden (please — remember the adjective ‘young’ it will make the author feel better) who passively used the fonts that came installed on her computer: Arial . . . Courier . . . Palatino . . . Trebuchet . . . Verdana . . . Ho hum.
Then, one day as she was merrily browsing the Internet, she discovered a site of free fonts. What? Download new and exciting fonts? What a novel idea! (Note: this was back in the dark ages of technology when stuff like this was oh so cutting edge.) She felt as if the very chains of the Inferno had been thrown off. The freedom and ability to install different fonts was heady, intoxicating.
She downloaded font after font after font. Until she had so many new fonts that they crashed her computer. She was forced to delete fonts to get it back up and running. She cried at the loss of her fonts.
The Christmas season soon came. This fair young maiden’s wonderful first-born son wanted to cheer his sad mother. He wanted to dry her tears and see her smile and laugh. After great deliberation, he thought of a gift that would please his fair young maiden mother.
Early on Christmas morning, the fair young maiden and her family opened their presents. When the fair young maiden opened the gift from her first-born son, her heart was filled with joy and happiness! He had spent hour after hour searching for and downloading fonts which he then burned to a CD. One thousand fonts! (That’s a one with three zeros after it — for those of you who graduated from Utah State or the U of U and might not understand such big numbers . . .) There was great rejoicing in the land because we all know that if mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy!
Years passed. The first-born grew, married, and had a first born of his own. (However, the fair young maiden still stayed fair and young through mud facials, exfoliation, and a little help from Lady Clairol and Mary Kay.)
One day, the fair young maiden was merrily browsing the Internet at work. She came across a site that had free fonts. Warm memories of the past flooded her mind. Remembering how she had crashed her system in days of yore, she thought she would download one font. Just one. One. (As in: doesn’t she know it’s the loneliest number . . .)
She found 
She felt a euphoric high. (We won’t mention how many fonts she downloaded nor how many hours she spent in the process.)
And the young maiden lived happily ever after.
