Dear Mr. Sandman

Dear Mr. Sandman,

After your miserable performance last night (or should I say the lack of performance), I feel compelled to write and file a formal complaint.

I fulfilled my part of our contractual agreement.  I got into bed at my usual time.  I read for my usual three minutes.  I closed my eyes and snuggled in my warm covers fully expecting to have a restful sleep all through the night.  But no!  Your job lasted for only an hour and a half.

Such sloppy workmanship.  Where is your pride in a job well done?  (Were you out painting the town in holiday revelry?  Don’t you know that painting isn’t in your job description?)

Then, after 4:00 a.m., you teased me for three hours by playing hide and go seek.   No REM time for me! No visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. You were awfully naughty.  Just wait until I tell Santa.

Who is your supervisor and where is he?  He is doing a woeful job, too. Doesn’t he do quality assurance checks on your work?  Doesn’t he do an annual performance review with you?

Your sloppy work is becoming a habit.  I can’t tell you how many nights over this past year that you have skimped over me, forgetting me, leaving me listless and limp the day after.

(Insomniacs unite!  For there are more that are with us than with him.  I’m going to complain to the AARP, the ACLU, the FBI, CIA, and to my mother.  Take that!)

You can also expect to hear from my lawyer.  I’ll have him file a class action suit against you, suing you for all the dark circles you’ve caused, the loss of production, and all of the undue mental hardship that all of the over 50 crowd has experienced due to your poor workmanship.

Signed,
A most disgruntled customer