Nina Lewis

Dear Mr. Weather,

I am hereby lodging a formal complaint against you.  Let it be known that I do not like it AT ALL when you try to be something you really aren’t.  You are fraudulent and fallacious.  You are deceitful and deceptive.  You are bogus, Janus-faced, disingenuous, duplicitous, mendacious, and a host of other adjectives that I can’t think of at the moment because you’ve got me in such a tizzy!  Phew!

A few days ago, you had warmed up to the mid-40s.  I reveled in the warmth.  (Disclaimer:  warmth here is relative.  As in 40 degree weather is warmer than the six degree weather it used to be.  Much.)

Buds are forming on the trees.  Methinks my tulips and daffodils are gussying themselves up for their spring appearance in my yard.

Then, you lead me on. You cozen me. You delude me.  Your trickery of ‘it-will-soon-be-spring’ one moment and then ‘hah-fooled-you-it’s-snowing-again’ is unacceptable.  Such flimflam.  I just won’t stand for it any more!

One minute you act like spring.  The next, your temperature plummets to fifteen degrees.  And you are snowing this very moment!  Snowing as we speak!  Snow is in the forecast for today, tomorrow, the next day, and the next.  What do you think this is?  Winter?

If you are in winter mode, then act like winter.  All out. All the way.  Why this recent teasing of spring-like weather?  Such a temptress you are!  If you want to be spring, quit sallying forth in your coat of snow!

All I can say is that you are driving me into the arms of another climate.  I hope you’re happy with the consequence of your behavior!  Into the arms of one that is ALWAYS warm.  One that is paradisaical.  One with palm trees swaying in the breeze.  One with crystal clear turquoise ocean water and white sparkling sand.

Fiji, here I come.

Sincerely,
One who is disgruntled with you

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